That last installment is very feel-y, petty, and non-travel related isn't it? Yep, that's me being a human being, expressing my loneliness on a platform where I can look at it later. I've re-opened an emotional blog, so there will be no more of that on this blog. I want to delete it and I probably should, but that would be me devaluing my own feelings. I want to keep it as an expressed issue that I have as a travelers and as a person. Travel and personal issues can intermingle just like personal and business or travel and business, so whatever. If you came to anything looking for perfection welcome to disappointment. It's better you know it now, then later.
Another reason why I want to keep it is to remind myself that I really wasn't in the best of headspace while I was in Philadelphia, due to many contributing factors. Lack of sleep, community hostility, environment, insecurities with basic needs, etc. As I said more posts ago, I didn't know a major city could be poor and I ended up in the poorest major city in the country. Philadelphia is also very socially - morally poor, and mostly hate the homeless/ poor community. SEPTA is in shambles - poor costumer service being their biggest problem. Who usually uses public transportation? You know it! People get kicked out and harassed by the Amtrak Police about sleeping in the station. Who are usually those people? Yep. You guessed it. "No lotioring/ sleeping/ panhandling" signs everywhere, including places they don't even need to be in - like ally ways and parking lots.
The Philadelphia Free Library is a waste of tax money. As a resource it has a lot free for improvement: they don't have any kind of tech lab, the shelving system is confusing, and don't bother asking the employees for help because they don't know. When you walk into the main branch downtown, it's a big "room" that has very little directional aid. The security guard stares at you like a fool, and the person at the desk won't even look up at you let alone say "Hi. Welcome to the library! Let me know if you need anything." One of the guards harassed me about bringing in a stakebroad and I had to ask 5 people who made the rules to the facility to file a complaint. Of course the guard said "You want to write a complaint about the rules? You won't be the first." I've never met the person before so I don't know what stick he had up his ass with me, but I personally hope he dies in a fire. Philadelphia needs a bigger punk and anarchist community just to have a library where people can have a stakebroad and not be treated like garbage for it. Also, the people in that library can welcome people when they come in, people can take a nap without being dehumanized, and have a place to have an actual community unlike the facade that is what the Philly Free Library system is suppose to be.
I had to deal with a whole lot of hate in Philadelphia. I met some cool people there, but their resources where so limited they could only extend so much help. I thank them for what they did, but I cruse the system that limits them and other great people of the city. I will carry them with me in my travels, in spirit!
I also met troublesome people, and they are most terrible that I would ever want to meet. Drunks that fly off at the month, middle age men going through mid life crisis, people that look at everything negatively and only believe in pain and hurtfulness (due abuse in their past, so everyone has to hurt because they hurt, basically), among a rainbow of fuckery. The bad news is the ones I pointed out were the ones that made it clear they were attracted to me - romantically and sexually. That was a lot of what spawned that previous post. I hang around a lot of different types of people, so only attracting garbage made me feel like garbage. It's the "Do I have a "I only fuck losers" sign on my back, or something?" because no one in any of the better circles I was in were interested in me.
At the same time, a lot of the people I end up willing to have sex with turn out to be not so great themselves, and I end up dodging a bullet. A particular person I was interested in Philly was a "Comedian" of sort and he was nice to let me stay with him sometimes. His downfall was that he has no respect for other people's identities, and I as a trans person I don't take kindly to that. I did correct him, but he was trying to hear it, but I didn't stop correcting him. White, male, heterosexual, college educated - top pf the totem pole type stuff. And the funny thing is, after getting enough sleep right before I left I wasn't sexually attracted to him at all! He's a great friend otherwise, but he prides himself on ignoring people's identities. He let me stay some nights, and gave me a lot of stuff, including the traveling backpack I have now! I was something of an introductory on gender for him, but it's going to take a figure that he'll have to show respect for to teach him that identities outside of his own are just as important as his.
In the present, I'm in Providence RI and I already have plans to head out to Minneapolis MN and I'm hoping to get the done between the middle of Feb and March. After Minne, I'm heading to the west coast or southwest. While I'm here, I'm looking for EVERYTHING - a place long term place to stay, more short term places to stay to tie a good temp net together, a ride out of here, short term work to pay for a bus ticket if I don't find a ride, volunteer work to get to know the community, a squat (and squat mates) in case I don't find a place to stay. I'm also looking for more traveling gear! I have a backpack, but I still don't have a sleeping bag and tarpe. A tent and tools are handy to have, but it's a matter of carrying them around. The backpack I have isn't made for that. I would have to make room for that stuff on the inside, with my other things. A bedroll made of blankets and sheets is another option, but a tarpe is still needed.
I've started inquired about seasonal hostel jobs all over because I don't know where I'll be in the future. I'm looking at places with desirable spring/ summer weather. As much as I would love to go back to Phoenix (and be there for Comic-con) , as of right now, I'm not looking to apply for a job there. However, I could change my mind about that tomorrow.
The main events I would like to attend this year are a Queer Pride Fest, a Couchsurfing meeting/ gathering event, and a Comic-con or any otherwise anime convention. Pride season is year 'round but the cluster of Pride events are between April and Sept. CS gathering events are more unpredictable as they can be setup by a smart group on individuals. Comic-con's have schedules to maintain, so they are more stable events - though shit does happen it has to be something serious to cancel a convention.
Look at me having plans while being open and shit. I do believe I'm starting to get into this traveling thing!