A long overdue update.
I've decided to stay in MN for a while due to health issues! YAY! It was hard for a while. I was in the Sal Army Harbor Lights shelter. It was a lot more terrible than it had to be, but the Sal Army really sucks when it comes to homelessness. The worst they think they're doing good, or they want everyone to think they're doing good, but they aren't. They don't train their staff EVER and everything about the shit-show of a shelter makes every situation worse. I really wish people would do more research before giving money to them.
I've had 2 phones stolen. I got rid of the NM number SafeLink phone, and went for the Access Wireless gov smartphone. First I lost it on the bus, but I got it back. It got stolen in the shelter after I left it in the bathroom. The second phone THAT I PAID FOR got stolen out of Uptown McD's, but I'll explain that later on down this entry.
I got a job at a grocery that I won't care to name. I started off still in the shelter, but the other clients have no respect for people and insist on being loud at night so I wasn't getting much sleep. And, the staff are mostly bitches (like any other Salvation Army shelter staff anywhere else), so they gave me a hard time with some stupid paperwork for working after curfew. I got fed up with all that bullshit and started sleeping outside. Yeah. THE SHELTER WAS SO BAD I LEFT TO SLEEP OUTSIDE.
My first night out I see someone I know, and meet a guy. I'm not going to bother making this sound gender-neutral. He's very much a guy, and one of the worst kinds. He was cool at first, and I hung out with him for a few days before we went to the beach to get clean. He was suppose to be looking the other way for cop watch while I bathe, but he was looking at me instead and expressed sexual interest. I made a joke saying "we're married now, so do your job and cop-watch for your spouse." He kept going with that joke after that, and I went along with it because he wasn't bad-looking and we started fooling around. I'm very much into hand-stuff, as it turns out and i really wanted to do it on him to see his reactions. People really enjoy sex, don't they? I showed him mine for showing me his, and he inquired on doing on more. I let him do some hand stuff to me, but I wasn't really reacting. Don't know what that was about but it's nothing to worry about. I felt fine just doing stuff to him and watching his reactions and learning how to do it right.
He wasn't, though. One night he started whining about some past experiences with past relationships and I was like "What? Are you being serious?" I felt bad for him, so I let him continue, and told him I was willing to do more than hand-stuff but he would have to go get tested. He seemed ok with it at first, but he started developing a negative attitude and I got very confused by it. I kept inquiring on what was wrong and he said confusing things, like some kind of weird story in pieces of each other. Something about "trying him like a friend", and "forcing contact". I had already explained to him this was my first relationship in a long time and I just didn't know how to do some stuff, but now he was complaining about it. But, really, I also didn't feel like I had had to be so lovey-dovey in a contact type way. I gave him money, and bought him stuff. And, we'd make out during the day and fool around at night. He also taught me a lot about amping, to take the good with the bad.
After 4 days of drama, he finally told me that not wanting just jump into sex with him made him feel ugly. 4 days all the while having not gotten tested and complaining about me wanting him to get tested at least twice. Also saying various things about me being sexually broken. Yep. Abusive language. I told him that if I made him feel ugly I should just broke this thing off and stay away from him.
However, over that time for less than 2 weeks, another person joined us in camping. He's very nice and thought we all made a great camping team. He pointed out some of my faults, but those faults were do to having to go to work and the drama that I didn't even start, so I didn't think that was fair. I ended up leaving the team, being the anti-drama person I am. But, not after giving the not-even-a-good-fuck-boy another handjob at an attempt to try continue to get along with him. That one felt way more forced than the other hand stuff we were doing, but more for emotional reasons. I really felt pity for him - little old me, making someone feel ugly? I felt bad for myself. I felt horrible for a few seconds.
I let time pass and tried to camp with the other 2 again a few times, but it didn't work out for some reason or another. The universe was CLEAR in wanting me to part was with the guy. I didn't want to part ways the other person, though, so things kind of worked out between us. I've totally removed the guy from my life now. The other person I'm still in contact with and I'll try to help them as best I can.
But, they are both why my second got stolen. I had just gotten it a few days prior to seeing them again after a few days of being part. I put the phone in the window, but they gave a random person permission to move it, and it got stolen from there. Stupidity has now cost me more more money. As of right now I can't replace the phone, but for good reason.
One this past Friday, I found a place to stay! YAY! I pay rent, so other expenses have to be put aside - including the phone. Unfortunately, that's getting in the way of getting other jobs. Costing me money! People don't seem to understand "My phone was stolen so you'll have to contact me via email until I replace it". That just flies over people's heads. I make enough money for myself but the money comes so requinely it's in small increments, which is a problem in itself. However, if the job didn't pay weekly I would quit because it's a terrible place and weekly pay is the only thing they have going for them. The store I'm working in has a union so we can't be fired for no reason, but that doesn't mean we're treated properly. The union literally can't insure that we'll be treated fairly and with respect. That would mean mini-managing the store when they have so many other stores that they cover. I'm going to inquire and what the union CAN do, though... after I replace my phone. Hopefully, I'll be able to encourage some of the other workers to contact the union with their concerns, as well.
Given the experiences with both, I would say I would much rather be housed and employed than homeless and employed. No one has respect for themselves or the working person. The shelters and feeding times make everything more difficult. It was easier to sleep outside and work, than be in the shelter. When you're in the shelter you're working on someone else's time, ALL THE TIME. Very few shelters ACROSS THE COUNTRY are able to accommodate working people and their various schedules. I got lucky because it's summer in MN - perfect for camping! And, I also had help learning the ropes, and people to hang out with. That wouldn't have been able to work in the winter time. There are also places were the people are much less... "people".
I'm going to leave this here, and the next entry is going to be about the house!
In the meantime, I do want to point out that I'm thankful for everything I've learned from the guy that the intimaicy went bad with. I'm also thankful for the other guy I met, that I still talk to. They both tought me a lot in various ways. I know learned a lot about myself along with camping.
See ya next time!