That last installment is very feel-y, petty, and non-travel related isn't it? Yep, that's me being a human being, expressing my loneliness on a platform where I can look at it later. I've re-opened an emotional blog, so there will be no more of that on this blog. I want to delete it and I probably should, but that would be me devaluing my own feelings. I want to keep it as an expressed issue that I have as a travelers and as a person. Travel and personal issues can intermingle just like personal and business or travel and business, so whatever. If you came to anything looking for perfection welcome to disappointment. It's better you know it now, then later.
Another reason why I want to keep it is to remind myself that I really wasn't in the best of headspace while I was in Philadelphia, due to many contributing factors. Lack of sleep, community hostility, environment, insecurities with basic needs, etc. As I said more posts ago, I didn't know a major city could be poor and I ended up in the poorest major city in the country. Philadelphia is also very socially - morally poor, and mostly hate the homeless/ poor community. SEPTA is in shambles - poor costumer service being their biggest problem. Who usually uses public transportation? You know it! People get kicked out and harassed by the Amtrak Police about sleeping in the station. Who are usually those people? Yep. You guessed it. "No lotioring/ sleeping/ panhandling" signs everywhere, including places they don't even need to be in - like ally ways and parking lots.
The Philadelphia Free Library is a waste of tax money. As a resource it has a lot free for improvement: they don't have any kind of tech lab, the shelving system is confusing, and don't bother asking the employees for help because they don't know. When you walk into the main branch downtown, it's a big "room" that has very little directional aid. The security guard stares at you like a fool, and the person at the desk won't even look up at you let alone say "Hi. Welcome to the library! Let me know if you need anything." One of the guards harassed me about bringing in a stakebroad and I had to ask 5 people who made the rules to the facility to file a complaint. Of course the guard said "You want to write a complaint about the rules? You won't be the first." I've never met the person before so I don't know what stick he had up his ass with me, but I personally hope he dies in a fire. Philadelphia needs a bigger punk and anarchist community just to have a library where people can have a stakebroad and not be treated like garbage for it. Also, the people in that library can welcome people when they come in, people can take a nap without being dehumanized, and have a place to have an actual community unlike the facade that is what the Philly Free Library system is suppose to be.
I had to deal with a whole lot of hate in Philadelphia. I met some cool people there, but their resources where so limited they could only extend so much help. I thank them for what they did, but I cruse the system that limits them and other great people of the city. I will carry them with me in my travels, in spirit!
I also met troublesome people, and they are most terrible that I would ever want to meet. Drunks that fly off at the month, middle age men going through mid life crisis, people that look at everything negatively and only believe in pain and hurtfulness (due abuse in their past, so everyone has to hurt because they hurt, basically), among a rainbow of fuckery. The bad news is the ones I pointed out were the ones that made it clear they were attracted to me - romantically and sexually. That was a lot of what spawned that previous post. I hang around a lot of different types of people, so only attracting garbage made me feel like garbage. It's the "Do I have a "I only fuck losers" sign on my back, or something?" because no one in any of the better circles I was in were interested in me.
At the same time, a lot of the people I end up willing to have sex with turn out to be not so great themselves, and I end up dodging a bullet. A particular person I was interested in Philly was a "Comedian" of sort and he was nice to let me stay with him sometimes. His downfall was that he has no respect for other people's identities, and I as a trans person I don't take kindly to that. I did correct him, but he was trying to hear it, but I didn't stop correcting him. White, male, heterosexual, college educated - top pf the totem pole type stuff. And the funny thing is, after getting enough sleep right before I left I wasn't sexually attracted to him at all! He's a great friend otherwise, but he prides himself on ignoring people's identities. He let me stay some nights, and gave me a lot of stuff, including the traveling backpack I have now! I was something of an introductory on gender for him, but it's going to take a figure that he'll have to show respect for to teach him that identities outside of his own are just as important as his.
In the present, I'm in Providence RI and I already have plans to head out to Minneapolis MN and I'm hoping to get the done between the middle of Feb and March. After Minne, I'm heading to the west coast or southwest. While I'm here, I'm looking for EVERYTHING - a place long term place to stay, more short term places to stay to tie a good temp net together, a ride out of here, short term work to pay for a bus ticket if I don't find a ride, volunteer work to get to know the community, a squat (and squat mates) in case I don't find a place to stay. I'm also looking for more traveling gear! I have a backpack, but I still don't have a sleeping bag and tarpe. A tent and tools are handy to have, but it's a matter of carrying them around. The backpack I have isn't made for that. I would have to make room for that stuff on the inside, with my other things. A bedroll made of blankets and sheets is another option, but a tarpe is still needed.
I've started inquired about seasonal hostel jobs all over because I don't know where I'll be in the future. I'm looking at places with desirable spring/ summer weather. As much as I would love to go back to Phoenix (and be there for Comic-con) , as of right now, I'm not looking to apply for a job there. However, I could change my mind about that tomorrow.
The main events I would like to attend this year are a Queer Pride Fest, a Couchsurfing meeting/ gathering event, and a Comic-con or any otherwise anime convention. Pride season is year 'round but the cluster of Pride events are between April and Sept. CS gathering events are more unpredictable as they can be setup by a smart group on individuals. Comic-con's have schedules to maintain, so they are more stable events - though shit does happen it has to be something serious to cancel a convention.
Look at me having plans while being open and shit. I do believe I'm starting to get into this traveling thing!
"I think you're cool, but having sex with you would be like having sex with my [family member closest to that person]." That's how I'm usually turned down. Recently, I got "I'm not into you sexually."
When I turn someone down I do that "it's not you; it's me" but way of "I'm mentally and emotionally unstable. You can do so much better, so go do it!"
This shit is just not going to happen in my lifetime. I'm very conflicted. I want intimacy, and maybe I want sex. It's just come across someone I feel like I can trust and they aren't interested. Yet, all these ugly, morally bankrupt homebums wanna fuck me. I've been in the same shelter for 3 months, now, and some of these shelter bitches think I'm trying to steal their "partners". I've made it clear I'm just here to party and get something together so I can get out of the shelter and stay in the area for a while, or if that doesn't work out I go to a different state. I don't know where in there says "I want to fuck your guy/chick/whomever." What's really bad is some of the homebums think I want them or they want me. Someone I just tried to open up to turned out to be MARRIED. Spouse is in prison, but still. Married is married, and I don't do that.
I don't want to be old running around like a dog in heat, the way I am now. I wish I were asexual and I didn't have to have these feelings. It's really nothing but trouble.
Now is the time that I'm thankful I went to Albuquerque and already learned some of this lesson is relation to the married person, but when am I going to get over this sexual attraction thing? It really hurts more than it helps.
I've noticed that a lot of my blog has been complaints, and most of my complaints have been about the treatment of homeless people. I have to face identifying as homeless, though I would rather not (THE EARTH IS MY HOME, BITCH!), the treatment of the idea of "localized" homelessness is very piss poor. We need homelessness as a protected class. No place ever has enough shelters, or resources for food, jobs, and other things that are necessary to fight homelessness in the short term and long term. However, homeless people are literally and figuratively the most exposed to violence, abuse, and exploitation.
It's not just about homeless youth and elderly. It's not just about LGBTQ. It's not just about any kind of disabled. We're all homeless. We're all a homeless community, in itself. It's the same as any other group. They say that no one will stand up for us, but we have to stand up for ourselves, just like any other group.
My name is [name], if you don't want to call me by either of the other names.
This past Sunday I came to your Lancaster/ Havorford location with the understanding that breakfast would be served, not knowing that sitting in church would be required to eat there.
Upon exiting the building, one of your volunteers was very rude towards me for not wanting to stay and even blocked me from exiting until he said everything he had to say.
I asked him if sitting in service was required and he danced around the answer at least 3 times before finally answered yes. After I said I was interested he insisted that I should lesson to the service heavily implied that I was wrong for just wanting the food serving. He also insisted that all places should force their clients to lesson to service before feeding them - none of any of his opinions I asked for.
I have my own disagreements with such methods of requirements of forcing people to lesson to whatever agenda before helping them, but it's you're place and you have the right to do that. What I will not accept is being disrespected, being trapped and forced to get a fascist lecture about how things be by someone else's ill-guided standards.
It was a black man with medium brown skin, low cut head and facial hair- bread, no mustache. Not fat (more out of shape looking. Average, I think is the word for that) but a kind of fat face. Maybe 5'8... I'm 5'4 and he is taller than I am but not towering.
I will inform the community of my mistreatment and this requirements, as I wasted a walking trip going to the localization only to leave empty stomache-d. If I had knew church service was required beforehand I would not have walked out there.
Thank you for your email.
I am sorry about your experience . So you are aware, we hold Sunday morning worship at Chosen 300. Yes, there is a meal after the service and we welcome all who attend. Like any Sunday morning service, there is a inspirational message of hope. Although, food is a necessity, we believe the gospel message of hope is what will keep anyone who is in need.
Please note, we also serve meals on Mondays and Fridays at 6:00 PM. You are more than welcome to enjoy a meal during those times. Meanwhile, I will speak with our team to address your concern.
If you have any other need or concern, please reach out to us. We are here to serve you.
Rev. Shandai Jenkins
Sr Vice President
Chosen 300 Ministries, Inc
1116 Spring Garden Street
Philadelphia, PA 19123
With the way you've replied I don't feel like you take this issue seriously.
I don't need an advertisement about your program after I've already been abused by someone in it and a staff member at that. I was cornered and verbally dehumanized by one of your staff members. Do you not care about the gravity of that event? Am I not human, to you? Is this how the non-believer are normally treated - With humiliation and disrespect?
I also feel like it's your duty to properly inform people that this church service is required so they have prior consent to attending the event, instead finding out when they get there like I did. I missed another meal because your location was the closest to where and I opted to go there.
If you would like to speak with me directly, I can either give you a call or you can contact me directly at [number].
I hope to speak with you soon.
Rev. Shandai Jenkins
Sr Vice President
Chosen 300 Ministries, Inc
1116 Spring Garden Street
Philadelphia, PA 19123
I like the platform we're using, right now. I don't have any reason to trust that I won't be subjected to more abusive behavior by anyone in the organization. The event itself could be sweep under the rug (if I let it), unless there was a camera on us and there is recorded proof. I really doubt that's the case of the matter.
Emails can be documented and I don't have the tech to document phone conversations. What reassurance do I have that I will be be respected and taken seriously about this matter if i call you?
Sorry about your complaint.
Have a blessed day.
Chosen 300 clearly doesn't have any respect or dignity to extend to their clients. There are other places to eat around town, and i will surely suggest them to anyone.
They can keep their blessings. I only accept true blessings from people that actually wish other well. By "well" I also mean treating them with respect and not trying to shove their agenda on others.
I admit, maybe I over reacted at some point, but I don't feel like I was unreasonable. I was already closed in by these people once, in person, and it can be done over the phone as well. I've dealt with issues like this before, and they were all handled in far better ways. These people don't really care what needs to be said and addressed.
Of course, only so much can be done, as I wasn't bodily abused and there are no cameras to prove anything, but "word-of-mouth" works WONDERS. That's how I found out about the place, so i'll use that same tool against them.
I've been in Pittsburgh since the 10th and I'm still no less excited about finally being here. I think I've been wanting to come up here for almost 5 years. My ex-fi and I talked about it before I left LA and that's already more than 3 years, right there. Then, a few months ago voting law issues started happening here, and I decided I wanted to come up here to help with that. It seems like that has died down, thanks to TX really fucking it up. The plan that the government comes up with will be a one size fits all measure to make sure none of the states can come up with anymore voter law restrictions.
So, I'm just hanging out with nothing to do, in the meantime. It looks like I'll be spending winter in Philly, for I'm leaving Pitt in mid Sept. I'm looking forward to it!
Most of the people in Cleveland are so fucking rude! They think they own everything and everyone. The men are aggressive meat-moggers and think of women as objects. The women are angry and always want to fight about something - ANYTHING! The city itself is ok. There's a lot to do, but the inner city has a big urban decay problem, and most of the road and streets are in terrible shape. I met a pocket of great people, as I usually do in any place, but the majority in Cleveland is not worth going back to, for me. What really cut it for me with a bartender being rude to me when I asked for a cocktail menu. A place's self righteous-ness knows no bounds when a bartender is rude to someone about a menu.
I am considering going back to Ohio in the far future to visit Columbus or Cin but Cleveland is not my returning visitor list. By the way, FUCK the BROWNS! FUCK the CAVS! And, FUCK the INDIANS! BYE!
It took me years, but I'm finally in the northeast! I've been wanting to head up this way for some years, now. I'm now in Cleveland, and looking to say for a while. If not, I'll travel the northeast until I find my place. At the same time, I want to continue to travel and see things. I'm so excited, and Cleveland is SO CLASSY! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
I contacted the person co-running the Couch House in Cleveland OH and after days of communicating I was rejected from the Couch House because of the negative review from the person harassing me on couch surfing. I sent proof that I was the one being harassed and I was still rejected. I was told the other reason was for not knowing when I would be leaving, but that could have been discussed after the major issue of dressing the harassment issue. Reasonably, it would be less than a week.
I don't want to stay in a place run by people that support harassment and mistreatment towards the community. I showed them the messages where I was threatened repeatedly, but apparently, that sort of thing is ok with the Couch House. What is more stunning was that I was told it was a concern for safety measures, but what about my safety is a victim of someone's vindictive nature? The review clearly isn't even written by them, as o be told by how everything else on the page is written including the other reviews. At the same time, we l've in a country where more than 10 rape victims can come out against their rapist and still be called lairs. It's not men and women as much as it is abuser vs victim vs society. The say the Couch House of Cleveland, OH supports systemic oppression because of this event. Please don't use this service. Please don't support systemic oppression.
That last post was a very bad take on the state, but I'll admit I had more bad times than goo ones, and I made it great at the end. Over all, I'd have to rate NM as a bad time for me. I learned from it, so I'm glad I went.
I met great people, though. The staff of the Barrett House shelter, the other people I met from CS.com,the great people at Off Center Community Art Studio, some people from the Albuquerque Peace and Justice Center, and many wonderful people at First Unitarian Church.
I'm going to make an extended "ALLmAssEDUp!" post on this later, but for now I'm writing an entry on my pov while I'm still here, but I'm going to go get my ticket out today or tomorrow.
New Mexico has a few good people. They are a %10 to the %90 GARBAGE people, here. The majority of the people here ruin what a lovely place this is, to me. They are poor, uneducated, close minded, and greedy. There's more of a market to capitalize off of homeless people, so if you want to join the fray and open a non-profit to "help" the homeless, head on out this way! I didn't make any long lasting relationships that I will continue to take with me on my travels. For who I am that makes me very sad, but for what this place is I don't want to take anyone of these people with me. Either they are garbage, or they are nice, but have a lot to do, and I don't want to burden them. ...Or, personality differences...
New Mexico is a beautiful place with mostly warm sunny weather. as it is desert land it can be unseasonably warm most of of the year, but it has it's day where it decides "You know... I feel like conforming to what I'm suppose to be with the season and my geographical location", and and slam with cold.
But, I can't say I didn't learn anything. I learned a valuable lesson is self respect, and zero tolerance to intolerance. I've taken parenting classes, took an art class, and met a new set of people that come with there own lessons. I'm glad I came here to meet those people and learn those things about the world and myself.
So, with $75 all I can do is go to Arizona, which I expect to be worst than here, if not the exact same. I've heard Austin, TX is great, but unlike AZ - TX does not have healthcare. So, no TX. I don;t have any reason to go to Phoenix other than "Get the fuck out of Albuquerque." I don't expect anything positive from them, and I'll just be passing through. I have no interest in AZ or staying there. There's no "up" for me to go in NM, and I really don't give a fuck about AZ. I don't feel anything calling me there, like I felt here. The people are likely just as bad, if not worse. A throwaway place, for me.
I'm sure I'll make it up north sooner or later... I don't want to go to PA anymore. I'm going to Ohio, instead!